Hermione's Secret
by VivyPotter
Summary: "Good job, says the voice in her head. She hates the voice in her head – Ana, she's named it. How cliché." WARNING: Eating disorder. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything and all rights go to JK!**

* * *

She can feel the fat.

It's there constantly.

She can't escape it.

She hates the rolls of flab.

She pinches them sometimes, and tries to rip them off.

It doesn't work.

She's read about this sort of thing.

She always used to think, '_That would never happen to me.'_

She wasn't so fat then.

It's like there's this voice in her head.

She loves it.

She hates it.

Ron and Harry wouldn't understand.

They've always been thin; Ron lanky and Harry so _small_.

She feels jealous of him, sometimes.

Then she feels bad because she knows it's malnutrition.

She still feels niggles of jealousy deep in her mind.

She hates that too.

She hates the acidic tang in the back of her throat when she throws up.

The nauseating feeling of slop sliding from her lips.

She hates the feeling of sickening feeling of pride when she sees the puke.

She'll be thin now.

Good job, says the voice in her head.

She hates the voice in her head – Ana, she's named it.

How cliché.

* * *

Dumbledore watches Ms Granger with regret.

He can see her wasting away, her cheeks growing more and more hollow day by day (her glamour doesn't hold up against _him_).

He's seen this before.

Almost every generation that comes to Hogwarts has at least one child with an eating disorder.

Last time it was Mr Glince and Mr Pooley.

This time it's Ms Granger and Mr Malfoy.

He _would _tell St Mungos, like he does usually.

He hates to see children suffer.

But the two of them are needed for his plan.

Ms Granger must be there for Harry, to support him (and make sure he passes his exams).

Mr Malfoy must continue to antagonise Harry, so he has preparation for his battle against Voldemort.

Hogwarts is, after all, a mini battlefield.

It's how he orchestrated it.

Gryffindor and Slytherin are the main two side, with the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff being mostly neutral.

At a pinch, the other two usually choose to support the lions.

Unless it's Harry, of course. But that's needed to toughen him up.

So he watches the two bright minds fade with every missed meal and every bathroom excursion, with a melancholy smile.

Such a heavy burden to bear, but it'll be worth it in the end.

It's all for the greater good.

* * *

Miss Granger isn't eating much, Minerva notes with a disapproving smile.

Perhaps she's trying one of those new-fangled diet things.

She does hope not, Miss Granger is perfect as she is.

However, it's a little unprofessional to ask after her health, she _is_ a teacher after all!

So she simply gazes on impersonally as Mr Potter offers Granger another refused slice of apple.

How kind of him! How very like his mother. Unfortunately he has inherited her talent in Transfiguration…

And with that her mind moves away from the subject.

It can't be _that_ bad, and nothing to do with _her_.

* * *

Harry gets worried about Hermione sometimes.

When she's distracted, or studying particularly hard, she'll sort of _flicker_.

It's not a suspicious flicker, it's not like she's green or Voldemort or anything beneath it, but her skin will grow sallower, her eyes more sunken. She'll look _tired._

Hermione doesn't _get_ tired.

But then she'll look up, catch his gaze and it'll all be back to normal, and Harry will be left wondering if he's imagined it.

His eyes aren't the best in the world.

Hermione doesn't eat much anymore either. Occasionally, she'll be so busy pestering him to eat more that he'll completely forget to remind her to eat.

Occasionally, he'll be half way out of the Great Hall when he'll realise that he doesn't recall seeing her eat.

She always insists that she has though.

Ron's completely oblivious, which only makes Harry more convinced that he's seeing things.

Surely Hermione's fine.

She's far too sensible to let anything get to her.

Maybe he needs new glasses.

He'll try and persuade Aunt Petunia when he gets back to Privet Drive.


End file.
